Why? why is it so hard to eat 3 meals a day. It shouldn't be so hard. Why do i feel so much guilt and that it is my fault that my body is the way it is. When logically i kow it is because of the PCOS. But there is this voice in my head screaming that it is my fault everytime i eat or even thinking about eating.
Our dress code at work changed. I was so incredibly excited that i would be able to wear my old scrubs. That was until i tried them on. And reality hit that most of them were too small. major trigger. i just want to lose weight so i can wear them. I don't care how i lose it. I just want it gone. SO i can wear the old scrubs. In therapy they tell us to get rid of our sick clothes. To make something out of them. I don't want to make something out of them. I want to wear them. I loved these scrubs. They represented my personality. The things that i loved. Bright colors, pinks and purples all the girly colors that i really haven't been able to wear for 3 years.
I feel guilty that i can not manage to accomplish my goals for a or s or m. i feel so anxious everytime i go there. I know they are trying to break through me and nothing is working at this point. I don't even know what would help. I started panicing when s told me that i was no where close to where i needed to be calorie wise. I started thinking about how uncomfortable it will be to eat everything again. Scared that i will lose control. Scared that i will start gaining weight again.
