It has been a week since i started following my meal plan completely. I will be honest. i really didn't want to. Ed keeps telling me that i will get fatter if i keep eating. I am really trying to trust A and S. But the labs prove my body can't keep going with ed. Ed just causes damage to my body. So i am eating my 3 meals and snacks and working on keeping ed out of my life. And taking my meds. doing everything i can do to recover. It is the hardest thing i have ever done (next to nursing school).
I think depression has been hitting me hard the last few weeks. On my days off i just want to sleep all day. You know it is bad when i don't even want to crochet or read a book. I am really hoping this goes away and soon. Depression is cramping my style. i have way to much to do to be depressed.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Ed Sucks and so does PCOS
Hey Friends
i am so frustrated right now. the last 6 months have been really rough ED wise. And now my body can't handle anymore. I went to the doctor last week after having my blood taken and it wasn't so good. My blood sugars really spiked up in the last 3 months. And now the doctor wants me to go off the abilify for depression and obcessive thoughts. So we came up with a compromise that i would start taking metformin. again. I hate that medication with a passion. It makes you feel like you have the flu 24/7. Not only that but my vitamin d level dropped despite being on prescription strength vitamin d. Sometimes i wish i could get a break with something. why do i have to struggle with everything? It is so hard to manage an eating disorder and pcos. As if that wasn't enough to mess with my eating disordered mind i also gained weight :( which has been messing with my mind alot. I am exhausted mentally and phsyically trying to do everythng i am supposed to do with recovery. SO i think it is time for a visit with amy the dietician and work on a meal plan that will help get some of my blood levels back where they should be. So i am giving up ed. i am doing it amy and sabra's way. After all all you do is cause me more pain and make me more exhausted. I want to learn who i really am. i have a few glimpses of that person and she seems like a lot of fun :)
I am now working one day a week in the breastfeeding clinic. And guess what?! i absolutely love it! It is one of the most rewarding things in my life to see a baby successfully breastfeed and to see the pride in a mom's face. It is so cool to have the knowledge to know what to look for when breastfeeding isn't going so well and to be able to problem solve with the mom.
Well i think that is it friends. sorry it has been so long since the last blog.
i am so frustrated right now. the last 6 months have been really rough ED wise. And now my body can't handle anymore. I went to the doctor last week after having my blood taken and it wasn't so good. My blood sugars really spiked up in the last 3 months. And now the doctor wants me to go off the abilify for depression and obcessive thoughts. So we came up with a compromise that i would start taking metformin. again. I hate that medication with a passion. It makes you feel like you have the flu 24/7. Not only that but my vitamin d level dropped despite being on prescription strength vitamin d. Sometimes i wish i could get a break with something. why do i have to struggle with everything? It is so hard to manage an eating disorder and pcos. As if that wasn't enough to mess with my eating disordered mind i also gained weight :( which has been messing with my mind alot. I am exhausted mentally and phsyically trying to do everythng i am supposed to do with recovery. SO i think it is time for a visit with amy the dietician and work on a meal plan that will help get some of my blood levels back where they should be. So i am giving up ed. i am doing it amy and sabra's way. After all all you do is cause me more pain and make me more exhausted. I want to learn who i really am. i have a few glimpses of that person and she seems like a lot of fun :)
I am now working one day a week in the breastfeeding clinic. And guess what?! i absolutely love it! It is one of the most rewarding things in my life to see a baby successfully breastfeed and to see the pride in a mom's face. It is so cool to have the knowledge to know what to look for when breastfeeding isn't going so well and to be able to problem solve with the mom.
Well i think that is it friends. sorry it has been so long since the last blog.
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