15 years

15 years ago today Jonthon and Richard died. We were only 14. I remember it was a Tuesday. (or at least i think it was a Tuesday) We had just been to freshman orientation that morning. That evening i went to marching band practice with my sisters. I remember walking up to the high school gym and thought it was strange that there was no one there but a teacher. Then we were told the awful news. There had been a bad car accident that afternoon. Jonathon and Richard were in it. Richard had already been pronounced dead. Jonathon was on life support. I immediately started praying that Jonathon would be okay. But by the time i had found out about it he was already gone. I mean we were only 14 how could this be happening? This wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to start high school next week. I had been in school with them since kindergarden. My locker was between them for a lot of grade school. Richard was only 1 week younger than me. We spent lots of recesses playing kickball. They were really good at it. I sucked but i didn't care. I was in shock. Their funeral was in the middle school gym. I went in shock. I don't even remember crying. i just kept thinking how could this happen? i had just seen them a few hours before. I heard the sirens of the ambulance and police coming for them. How could they be gone.

15 years later and it still hurts that they are gone. I thought of them the day that we started high school. Everyday that i walked by their lockers and saw the signs of how we missed them. The memorial in our year book for them. I thought of them the day we graduated from high school and at our 10 year high school reunion in November. And lots of days in between. It was so strange not to see them at school. I mean i had seen them every day from kindergarden through 8th grade. I can't believe that they have been gone 15 years.

Miss you tons jonathon and richard.

Cupcake Hat

Crocheting has always been a favorite activity of mine. Especially when i am anxious like i have been lately. There is nothing like seeing a skein of yarn take shape into a creation. Crocheting is quite relaxing for me. It is soothing to make the same movements over and over. And I love the softness of the yarn. So tonight after work i made a cupcake hat. My friend Brooke was telling me about a cupcake hat she had seen yesterday and i thought it would be fun to make.

Summertime Happenings

To be honest i can not believe we are in August already. It doesn't seem possible. So my dear friends this is what i have been up to this incredible summer. May Started out with the Susan G Komen Walk for the Cure. It was an amazing walk with my mom, Alicia, Jean, Sara, and Curt. It was made very special that all 4 of us kids were able to do this with my mom who is a breast cancer survivor! We also walked in memory of 3 incredible fighters Sue Voges, Katie Voges and Marilyn Walters. Sue was definately on my mind the entire day. We love and miss you so much Sue!

There was approximately 20,000 people who turned out for this walk. It was a very emotional day. Mom had made us t-shirts with butterflies flying to heaven in honor of Sue. Sue had picked out butterflies for the covers of her programs for her funeral. Sue had also picked the music for her funeral and one of the songs she chose was Melissa Etheridge Run for life. Every year at the run walk they chose a song to dedicate to all the survivors and this year they chose Run for Life. I almost lost it at that moment.

This summer also brought a new record for me in my recovery from eating disorders. I made it 5 1/2 months without using symptoms before i had bump in the road. I am slowly getting myself back on the road. Which has not been easy. I was quite upset with myself for going back to using symptoms. And every time i go back it just makes it alot harder to stop. But i am stopping. I will fight this and win. The eating disorder won't win. My anxiety has been awful. I feel anxious pretty much every time i eat for a couple of hours afterwards. And sometimes i wonder if all this anxiety will ever stop. I also haven't been able to sleep through the night in months. Most of the time i fall asleep pretty easily. i just can't stay asleep. i will sleep 2-3 hours and then wake up toss and turn fall back asleep and repeat in an hour or 2. I have had some really bad nights of waking up every hour. and feeling yep you guessed it anxious.

This summer has brought a new job for me!!! I am finishing up my last week of orientation as a Lactation Consultant!!! I will work one day a week in the breastfeeding clinic and then work the other 2 days a week in postpartum and newborn nursery. So far i absolutely love the clinic. I love being able to continue helping the moms i see in the hospital. I also love seeing how much the babies continue to change in their first few weeks of life. It is truly an amazing job in helping these new mamas gain confidence in feeding their new baby.

The summer has also brought my favorite activity of swimming and summertime BBQs with good friends. We are all so busy that we definately don't get together as much as we should. And when we do it is wonderful. i just wish it lasted longer.

Hope you all are having a wonderful summer!

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